Tag Archives: lost

Down & dirty with vulnerability: REALEST POST EVER

 Vulnerability-Just-Ahead

It feels like we are on the brink of a revolution… a vulnerability revolution.

It seems to me that there is a shift happening, a culture shift… one where we are slowly learning to embrace vulnerability as a way to connect with one another. For so long we have been lost in technology and cyber-communication and have lost touch with the beauty of real, HUMAN connection: face-to-face, skin-to-skin, brain-to-brain.

And, maybe I’m mistaken, but my parent’s generation seems to be one of isolation, not letting anyone close enough to see your struggle or pain. A generation where it was important to show the world that everything was under control, even when it wasn’t. I could be wrong, but I don’t believe I am.

Anyway, back to today’s society. Again, maybe I’m being overly optimistic and naive, but after being repeatedly disappointed in my peers’ complete lack of values, self-discipline, and heart, and their absolute obsession with competing in a race to ignorance, glorifying stupidity vs. pursuit of education and culture and life experiences, I’m starting to see a silver lining. Don’t get me wrong, there is still an abundance of dumb shit we partake in and glamorize, but at least there is a ray of light shining through. And that is enough to give me hope for the future, and for humanity. Slowly but surely, I am seeing more and more young people picking up the books again, having interest in travel and culture, actively pursuing good physical, mental and emotional health. Do we have a long way to go since there is still so much useless violence and DUMB shit occurring in our homes, communities and society? Without a doubt. But, at least there is a glimmer of hope. I’ll take it.

I truly believe a core attribute in achieving an enlightenment and elevation of mind, body and spirit is through vulnerability. It is one of, if not the hardest feeling to accept and process. No one likes being vulnerable. I HATE feeling vulnerable. I mean, I’d rather cuddle up with a bee or wasp (I’m beyond petrified of both of these horrendous creatures) than be vulnerable. And, I curse vulnerability when I’m feeling it. I despise myself, and criticize my life for allowing vulnerability to sneak in when it does. IT SUCKS! But guess what? The bastard doesn’t go away just because I hate it. So, I eventually talk myself into allowing the process to flow so I can escape vulnerability as FAST AS POSSIBLE!

However, the times that I sit with and in vulnerability and dissect it and allow the entire process to take place without rushing out of it, I come out the other end feeling renewed, refreshed and in touch with myself and my truth. And, that is what is missing in our world today. We spend so much time running from our truth, justifying our lies, and being evasive, so we all just keep going in dumb-fuck circles, crashing, getting up and going in the same destructive circle again! It’s insanity. Really. It is.

Let’s say it together: The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Yet, we do it. ALL-THE-TIME. Why? Because, we all hate vulnerability. We’d rather make asses out of ourselves instead of getting to the heart of the matter, whatever the matter is.

Now, imagine if we all just befriended vulnerability, were honest with one another and more importantly, with ourselves. That would eliminate so much bullshit that exists in our world today. There wouldn’t be so much fog in the realm of human interaction and connectedness. We would be free to just say what we mean, mean what we say and act according to those truths. But, alas, we have not reached that level of nirvana yet.

But, there is a spark. A fire has been lit. I see it. I feel it. I pray for it. For my daughter, my loved ones, and myself.

May our vulnerability and truth set our aching souls free. Peace.

xxoo,

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You.

humanitylove

You inspire me. All of you.

I love reading everyone’s short stories and getting a glimpse into your minds and hearts. I always look forward to reading these brief statements that hold so much value that you found it worthy to share with whoever will pay attention: the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, the real, the fantasies, the raw, the sugar-coated, the truth, and the facade.

These are all reflective and speak to each person’s character and values in some aspect, and that is quite an entertaining show to watch and be apart of. And interweaved into the tangles of the crazy, not-so-real world of social networks, there is still beauty, inspiration, hope, love for humanity, and just love in general. And, it happens often enough to make even the most bitter, misinformed posts worth being enraged over… because, for every horrible post there are a few inspiring ones, or ones that allow us to love and be the reason someone smiles.

Humans are so damn weird. And dramatic, illogical, and emotionally-driven but dammit, if we aren’t the most fascinating and beautiful creatures to watch.

J’entends ta voix dans tous les bruits du monde… I hear your voice in all the world’s noise.

Keep talking, keep sharing, keep being insanely you, please.

xxoo,

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Blind leading blind

Blind Leading the Blind

I find it fascinating how much of our society revolves around the blind leading the blind, but no one making that connection and realizing that is all it is. We live among people always looking for reassurance from the next unknowing person to justify their guilty actions, thoughts, ideas or to cope with insecurities. And I’ve narrowed it down to two main types of people: narcissists who want to justify themselves, and people who enjoy playing victim to escape being at fault for their mishaps. There’s one thing they have in common: being broken.

I’ve met and studied some of the most broken people, and they have either ended up being the most narcissistic people I know: the person who’s ego is so large that it blinds you from the start. But, those types can be broken down. You either have the obnoxious know-it-all, rub-my-accomplishments-in-your-face-and-your-face-and-your-face or the elusive charmer who makes everyone feel like their only one but who’s only actual concern is themselves and their need for pleasure in whatever form they enjoy it- whether it be physical, emotional, or mental. Or, there’s the victim who can still cause and create just as much pain, but who never takes the blame because they somehow are not responsible for it. It’s the I-never-had-love person or the so-much-trauma-has-left-me-sad-and-needy-always-seeking-externally-person. In either sense, no one wants to take responsibility for themselves, the effect they have on others, and for contributing to the cycle of ignorance and mistreatment of human emotion and human psyche.

Amidst these two majorities, there are rare instances when you meet someone who doesn’t fall into either category. That’s not to say they’ve never experienced pain or trauma, because usually they have. But, what separates them is their ability to recognize it and to want to get to the heart of the problem and tackle it head on, instead of pretending it doesn’t exist or allowing it to be the excuse for not being whole. When you face the issue head-on, you go through a healing process.

The healing process is so important and necessary in order to move forward in life. It allows us to gain understanding, not only of the issue-at-hand but of ourselves. And, that’s because healing requires solitude. Solitude is something so many of us struggle with because we constantly seek approval and reassurance externally. We depend on others to legitimize us so we never learn the truth of ourselves, and we use a combination of lies we’ve been told by others and lies we tell ourselves as a foundation for our actions and reactions to various situations.

If we could sit in solitude and learn to be at peace with it, and love that space then we will learn our truth. And in doing so, we will no longer fall into one of those two categories, which are both toxic to ourselves and to those around us – hence, blind leading blind. We will stop being blind and open our eyes to the truths we’ve ignored for so long. We will stop allowing others to define us and we will learn to RESPECT ourselves and our relationships. Because, in case we don’t know, the way we treat our relationships is also a direct reflection of our character.

So, being a liar, cheater, manipulator or abuser in a relationship and getting away with it may make you feel macho and smooth and suave, but in all actuality, those of us who are not metaphorically blind and see that  just see a poor, lost soul who has not yet felt true joy or pure happiness. Just a miserable person who feels so empty that the only way to get a taste of what they think is happiness, is by inflating their ego through one of those methods. And if those people that are hurt and misguided accept your antics, and that makes you feel good about yourself then that’s your prerogative. That simply means you’ve accepted mediocrity and personal growth is invaluable to you. That’s fine, more room for those of us who enjoy being mentally elevated and informed and free from drama and pettiness.

But, just know this: you’re only fooling the fools.

xxoo,

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Cease Fire

Fionnabeachhand

I think about a time when…

The raging fire

Of hate in your eyes

Is extinguished by

My rush of love

Peace for all.

xoxo,

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Love Drifter

solitude

My empty heart

It drifts away

And sometimes

The love it holds

Spills away

Sometimes, this love

I can’t take away

But other times

These thoughts

Keep love at bay

When will this heart

Relax and let go

Of all the things

It doesn’t yet know

xoxo,

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The Real Secret to Love

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Learning to love… to REALLY love… has probably been one of the most difficult lessons I’ve had to learn. It is a lesson I am still learning. Everyday. Every-single-day.

Now, if you know me, you might think that statement is ludicrous because I’ve always been loving, giving and caring to a fault, sometimes. It’s always been in my nature to give people 200% of me while bending over backwards on one tiptoe and balancing the world on one shoulder. Ha! But, what I didn’t always share was the hurt I harbored when those same sentiments weren’t returned or reciprocated in the way I longed for. People didn’t love the way I loved, I thought. And, there were plenty of times I felt neglected, resentful, and hurt. You see, I was doing it all wrong. And, THAT is why love has been such a challenge for me. I thought that if I gave my heart away, and always went above and beyond to please people, if I was the “yes” girl, the one who always found a way to accommodate you… and you… and you… then I would be loved in return. Surely, that would fill my empty love tank. But, it didn’t. And, I was still past E on my tank of love. Empty. Hurt. Lonely. Resentful. Broken. Wallowing in self-pity. WHY WON’T THEY LOVE ME THE WAY I LOVE THEM?

Well kids**, the simple answer [which took me YEARS to learn] was because I did not love myself. How foolish of me to think that I could fill up my love tank with the love of others without loving myself first. How could anyone possibly love me the way I needed to be loved if I didn’t love myself that way? How could they know what kind of love I needed if I didn’t show them how to love me, by loving myself that way first? I have a feeling I’m not alone here. For whatever reason, there are many of us who suffer heartache and pain, and it generally stems from our not-so-perfect family and home life. The problem arises when we carry this hurt and burden with us everywhere we go, and we bring it along to each relationship we have – be it friendship, romantic, etc. And, we allow this hurt to consume the relationship and sabotage it without even realizing it. And when it ends, we are MORE hurt and throw that pile of new hurt onto our old hurt, and we continue this vicious cycle of self-inflicted pain [although we assume the other person is the reason for the hurt they just happened to be around for].

We continue to add so much weight to our already heavy load until we become buried in our pain, and after being buried so deeply, we begin to suffocate. We cannot dig ourselves out of the grave of pain we have created for ourselves, and we are so consumed by it that we don’t recognize that WE created the mess. We blame everyone who has crossed our paths because there has not been one person who has not hurt us, and so everyone else is to blame. And with that thinking, we miss the whole picture – the SIMPLE picture. WE ARE IN CONTROL OF OUR OWN LOVE AND HAPPINESS. If we had learned early on that anyone who hurt us only did so because they were hurting and lacked self-love then we would have never gone on this grueling journey of not loving ourselves and therefore, not attracting love into our lives. But, we didn’t. We thought that the pain others placed onto us was because we were not worthy of love. And so, we did not love ourselves. And no one else loved us either because… they did not have to and/or they didn’t know how to.

The bottom line here is: Love yourself first. And, don’t expect it to happen overnight. This is a process of allowing yourself to feel every pain, experience yourself in different situations without others, understand your heart, learn what you enjoy and what you dislike and don’t allow others to make you feel inferior for whatever you discover to be your truth. Your truth is your truth and no one else’s. You don’t owe anyone your JOY. You have a responsibility to contribute your best self to the world, but to do that will never mean being robbed of your JOY, your VALUES, your SELF-LOVE. In fact, you cannot contribute your best self to the world UNTIL you’ve found and experienced joy, until you’ve defined and are rooted in your values, and until you have completely learned to love your self.

And so it is. Let’s heal the world by healing ourselves first, loving ourselves and then sharing that secret with others who need to hear it.

xoxo,

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** It’s a figure of speech. This is for anyone aged 0***-100

*** I realize writing 0 is ridiculous. Humor me.


HER

laughingBeauty

But…

When she smiles

When she REALLY smiles

Wow!

It makes

Them lose

Their dignity

Their self-respect

Cat calls

Dog howls

Each competing

For HER

To turn around

Hoping to

Bask

In the warmth

Of her lips

xoxo,

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